Have you ever gotten to a place in life where you feel you're supposed to be doing something more, but you don't know what that something is? Or, you thought you knew what you would be doing in the next five years, but life throws you an unexpected curve ball and you feel....um....stuck?
Yeah, that's where I am right now. I feel stuck. But I don't know what I am stuck in/on/to. I just don't know. I do know I want more than what I have now. I do know that I am a student and a learner, and I desire to take the next steps educationally. The twists and turns that my mind takes as I try and figure out what my next move is, makes me dizzy! Can I just be honest.......while I want my Master's, I do not want the debt that comes with it. While I love psychology and all things mental health, I don't think I want to do therapy, even though I want to be a therapist. Are you dizzy yet?? Well if not lets continue with the twists and turns.....I can always teach, yeah but I don't want that either. It would take very little for me to teach now with my undergraduate degree, yet I don't want to be anywhere near the kids of this generation teaching them! (sorry) The pay isn't great, it's not my heart's desire and well the kids these days haven't really fallen from good trees-if you know what I mean. So I'm stuck.
Stuck in a job I currently like because it is so well suited for my personality. I like to work alone. I like having a goal and meeting it with no micromanaging involved. I like flexibility. My current job is absolutely perfect in all those areas. But. But I still feel stuck. I can't identify if the stuck feeling is rooted in pride--where I want a Masters degree because of the label of having one. Then there's this thing where I can't decide if me wanting to get the degree is because I feel like I have to. I am trying to search each of these deeply to find the root of my desires. What I do know is that I have a hunger for more learning when it comes to my passion of mental health. I am the girl who reads every article that comes my way in regards to anything mental health related. I am the girl who is up late at night with a flashlight reading articles that usually teachers assign to students in school. I just love learning about mental health. I love it. I want more of it. This is all I know. I was afforded this luxury in undergrad where I was able to get my degree with no real desire to pursue a career--and it didn't cost me any student loan debt. (thanking Jesus for grants!) However, as I think about continuing onto higher levels, I know this comes with a cost. So I have to make sure I am laser focused going into this with a plan. I know plans don't always work out--BELIEVE YOU ME, DO I KNOW THIS--but a plan is wise. I need to know what I want to do with the degree, and if the career choice I decide will allow me to have the earning power I need to pay of the debt I'll incur. Debt is horrible to have as you are tied to it forever. Unlike some debt, there is no getting out of student loan debt. I just don't know if I'm about that life.
So for now I will continue to stay stuck. I'll continue praying about it, and trusting that the Lord has me where He wants me. I'll stay put until I get further notice from Him to move forward. And I don't mean audible voices--but the Lord can orchestrate things so that they work in my favor and He has me where He wants me--if it isn't where I am now.
*shrugs shoulders*
