So where were we???….”That all happened. It happened Thanksgiving of 2013....” Oh, yes there we go.
Thanksgiving 2013. The plane ride was a mere two hours, but
the butterflies in my stomach did not get that memo. That was the longest two hour flight I’ve
ever been on. Not only that but I was SO nervous. Yes, my brother and I had
spoken time and time again, but this time would be so different. The kids were
along for the ride and I had my boyfriend awaiting my arrival in Dallas. Even
with the greatest and closest support I have in my life, I needed a glass of
wine. That’s right. I couldn’t manage a two hour flight without a glass of my
beloved red wine. It was ONE glass. It was the one glass I needed to relax. We
landed and there waiting was my Sweet Angel Love. I hugged him and we held hands. Together with the kids we walked to that destination where I’d finally
meet my brother. I think at some point in this walk, I must’ve let go of his
hand, because, well I don’t know… nerves perhaps.
I was leading the way. I walked through the doors scanning the crowd
for the face I had become so familiar with. It was nowhere. Then to my surprise
behind me I heard his voice. I turned around and there stood….MY BROTHER. He also had my nephew with him. There was that weirdness of, how exactly do we
greet each other?! So I stayed true to myself and I hugged him. A full on hug.
For the first time in my life I was meeting the brother who shared the same
blood as me. The brother who was the closest thing to my father I’d ever see. For
me, in that moment it was just me and my big brother. Little did I know my
Sweet Love Angel was taking photos of
that moment. It was the greatest picture ever. Our first hug, on our first
meeting. Brother and sister.
My trip to see my brother and my father's family,were five days of nothing but bliss. On the day I was to return home, like a two year old internally I threw a temper tantrum and didn't want to leave. Seriously. No, really. Ask my boyfriend. That was a very unpleasant time for us both ;-) Family. Thanksgiving
2013 will always be my greatest Thanksgiving. Circled around the table for Thanksgiving
dinner was MY family. I was asked to lead the prayer and in that moment I was
able to thank the Lord for something I’ve never had (apart from my kids).
Family. REAL Family! See, all my life it’s been me and Jesus. The word “family” never had very much meaning to
me. Very similiar to an unmarried person would have no meaning to the word "spouse". You can't experience or understand something you've never had. To the one who was a ward of state. To the one who has almost no memories
of growing up with my biological mother. To the one who always felt like
Cinderella during childhood. I didn’t have my siblings. No one. Just me. And Jesus.
It’s always been that way. Until now. I
now have family not only by blood, but ones who love me. Family that checks on me. Family that wants me. Family that loves me without conditions. Family that wants nothing more from me, than JUST me. I don’t know if many
people will ever know what it’s like to go through life alone. It is a road I’d never wish on anyone. Never feeling like you belong anywhere. Never feeling loved or desired. It's a very lonely and sad road to travel. It’s
the main reason I will sacrifice as much as I can to make sure my kids NEVER
have to grow up experiencing what I did. It's why I am still here in Utah. It’s why I will never allow anything
in the way of them seeing their dad and his family. It's why they come before work, school, money, and anything material. In life there are only so
many things you’ll remember as an adult from childhood. Those things don’t
consist of all the gifts you received, or very much of anything materially-for
that matter. Instead, you’ll remember who loved you. I don’t have that. That’s
not to say that people didn’t love me, there are a few names (Linda and
Claudette) that come to mind instantly. They took interest in me. They loved on
me. They weren’t blood related, but we were related by Spirit. We were
daughters of Christ. It was as if I was their daughter. I will always be
thankful for the investment and love they showed me.
Today as I say “family” it means something. Someone comes to
mind. We talk daily. We visit each other. I know he loves me, and I love him.The decision to leave the place I’ve been for the last 14 years is one that
comes easily. Thirty-five years without family and now I have it. I don’t want
to miss another minute of enjoying that which most enjoy daily. I want my 36th year to be full of family.
Like music,
there will be highs and lows. But also like music, having a brother will be/
IS....beautiful.
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