May is Mental Health Month

I still have nightmares. Frightening, scary, anxiety provoking nightmares. At one point in life,  they were regular occurrences. After going long periods without any,  I thought I was "healed". But then I read a fabulous article for those who suffer from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). I read that this journey is a lifelong one. Thankfully,  I have a boyfriend who is the greatest in the world. Literally. While some have teased me for having nightmares as an adult--not knowing anything apart from me having nightmares and not the WHY behind it,  my boyfriend walks through them with me. Like, literally. Whenever I have a nightmare I can call him any time of day and he will walk through it with me,  emotions and all. I am thankful for a man of his character. A man so loving and patient. It takes a great person to walk though life with someone who has some trauma that has completely changed life for them. He is among the great ones. 

I am a silent sufferer. I suffer in silence with PTSD.  Along with PTSD there are some other issues that I have as a result of trauma. Trauma is such an interesting thing. You really never know what an experience in life will do to you. Something I considered very little or insignificant can be that same thing that causes trauma for someone. You never know. You really just never know. For some years, I have been in denial that what I experience is PTSD. I have been in denial because the incident to me just wasn't' "bad" enough. Also because PTSD is usually something that happens to certain people--and I didn't fit that.  I have these ideas in my head of things that are "bad", and my life experience didn't fit the bill. But the thing about labels is, you don't need to label something for that something to be exactly what it is. So even in my denial--that didn't stop the anxiety attacks, the nightmares, the flashbacks, the panic attacks, or the fear--that accompanies me daily in life. Because of this major thing in life, and some other things--I am a GIGANTIC advocate of mental health. It's a passion of mine. I live with it daily. Daily. I know what it feels like to think you're losing your mind. I understand what it means to have to take a daily medication to feel "normal".  I admit I understand it on a very small level compared to some. It is not a joke. As much as I am passionate about mental health, I am 100 times more passionate about Jesus. So for me, you can't separate the two. We were made as a triune person. We have a mind, body and soul. I truly believe the Lord wants us healthy in all areas. Therefore, I can say Jesus is my all while taking my anxiety medication. The Lord has made it all. I can guarantee that if the Lord didn't provide doctors and therapists, I would likely have ended my life. Yeah me. The one who has a smile plastered on her face most the time. The one who giggles like no other. The one who others look at as outwardly attractive.  I am who I am, and can smile like I do because Jesus was good enough to humble me into accepting medication is okay as a Christian. 

So while I continue on with my nightmares and mental disorders--please know  I have a partner for life who is beyond all I could desire. While I have never spoken of my disorders and have suffered in silence, I guess the silence ends today.  But not everyone is so lucky. Keep this in mind as April ends and May begins. May is Mental Health month. Get Mental Healthy!!