Eight years later I'm still crying...realities of divorce

I tried to fix it. I tried to fix him. I tried to make it work. I tried. But I couldn't fix it. I couldn't fix him. I couldn't fix it then, I can’t fix it now. Some would like to make you believe that time heals all wounds. I disagree. Time ages the wound, but they still exists. Sometimes those wounds will reopen and the pain will hurt even more than you remember that first day it happened. I’m not sure emotional wounds ever heal because unlike physical wounds our minds won’t allow us to forget the memories that are so vividly played over and over in our mind. Some 8 years ago I tried stopping the bleeding of a wound but I couldn't. I tried. For the sake of two little lives I was willing to sacrifice my life. Yet the wound continued to bleed. Today as the tears fall, I am reminded this wound will never heal. Ever. My heart breaks every time I think about it. Tears flow when I am reminded that I can’t take the pain away from the very ones I was trying to shield it from. I wanted to. I tried. I cry because even today I can’t. It won’t be until we see Jesus face to face and he wipes away our tears, that this wound will be healed.

I’m sorry Lord. I’m sorry for my part of disobedience. For every action there is a consequence. In my disobedience I made a decision and now I will forever live with the consequences of that one choice. I thank you for your forgiveness. But I also thank you that you give me free will and in doing so, I must face the consequences of my choices.Satan doesn't win. Even when we make choices that go against Your perfect will, You still are in control and in all things you will use them to bring Yourself glory and me closer to You. 

^“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” Genesis 50:20