One in A Million

Today is 10/14/2019. This date is important because less than two weeks ago a white female officer walked into a black man's apartment mistaking it for her own. And killed him. She walked into someone else's home and killed him. She was charged with murder, but only received 10 years in prison. I say "only" because this was my trigger. From what I gather (media only shows us what they want) I felt sorry for the officer. I honestly believed she fucked up and made the mistake of her life. Oh, wait, I forgot to introduce myself. I am a black woman in Texas. Not only a black woman, but the hue of black you would see when you look into a delicious snickers bar. So yeah, there is absolutely no mistaking me for anything other than black (unless you consider my wavy natural hair- *whateves*). Real story, for another post. I digress.

 I set that stage because imagine me, a dark chocolate, fully black woman having sympathy for this white police officer. The backlash I received from my own was.... gag worthy. But as I once stated, I see through an entirely different lens than other black folks. Yes, the system is broken. Yes, I do believe there is racism. But in some instances the black vs white the media likes to play, just doesn't fit. I hate to be the one to say this, but Amber Guyger would have gotten a "pass" if she had killed a black man while on duty. *shrugs* Had she honestly wanted to kill a black man--shit, 10 black men, she could have done it with her "get outta jail free card" police officer-white -woman badge. Why the fuck would she go to her place of residence and do it?! In my brain??? Because it was a horrible accident! But black people can never, and will never see it that way. And honestly, that's okay. But what is not okay, is when they crucify someone like me. Someone who is black who doesn't agree with their narrative. I see what you see. However, I don't believe what you believe. Why is that not okay?!

Fast forward less than two weeks after the aforementioned fiasco, and yet we are faced with another white officer that kills an unarmed black woman. The entirely of this story saddens me to my core. Yet, I am saddened not only for the victim, but for the officer as well. Does this make me a bad black person? I can't help that these situations evoke sadness instead of anger. I am sad for all involved.

But please don't get it twisted. I understand when black people say "if you are concerned about me, don't call the police". I get it. I feel it. I AM black. But I also am very analytical. Some things make sense to *me* and others things don't. I believe police are trained to kill and ask later. Black, white, or brown. That is how they are trained. Is there a problem in America? Sure. Does it solely rest with the police? No. I don't have the answer. But I have my answer. 

I am going to be me. Like it or not. It is who I am. I am black by ethnicity. Chocolate as candy. Experience has allowed me to spend 15 years around white people. The people whom blacks would consider their enemy, Yet, these same people accept me better than my own. Some might say I am brain washed or "whitewashed", however, I would say I have been exposed. Exposed to those who are thought to be the enemy.

To me....you both are the enemy, it just depends on the day.