Single Motherhood Expectations

Some days are harder than others. I love my kids. My kids literally are why I get up every morning. I can’t imagine life without them. But this isn’t about them. This is about what others don’t realize about the life I live as a single mother. (Background. I was once married. For eight years. Both my kids were conceived in a marriage and birthed with both a mom and dad at their delivery. Through a series of events that will likely never be discussed, that is no longer the case. I said that to say, I know what it’s like to be married, I get it. I understand. Now on to the point at hand). There are some expectations of me from others, that at times I don’t think are fair. (yes, I know life isn’t fair) Some want things and commitments from me that they would expect from others who run a household with two people. Yet, when I decide it’s in my best interest not to commit, I feel like I am given a guilt trip. I understand there are some things that are right and just, that should be committed to, but I just can’t. Over the last few years, I have developed some health issues that has caused me to put my health higher on the priority list than it has previously been. However, no one would know this because the only time I am ever contacted is when I am needed for something. I can go missing for months at a time and there is never a phone call, text or a visit, yet if they need something from me, they can always find me. I admit, there is some bitterness that has crept in. I am earnestly praying that the Lord help me with this. The love of my life told me something once and it has really stayed with me. In a conversation he said, “Loyalty costs”. And he’s right. I can’t be loyal to someone who over and over continues to hurt me. When I have made it completely clear that I feel neglected and nothing continues to be done. Loyalty costs. I will continue to be loyal to those that I know will be there for me.

As a single mother I can’t do the same things that those who have a household with two parents do. I go to work and I have two children and one car. I have to juggle how to get each child to each designated place at each specific time. This task written sounds extremely easy, but believe me it is as difficult as difficult gets. Throw in there, medication that I am on that causes extreme tiredness. I have to manage all this with no help at all. Do I sound bitter much?! I am. Pray for me.

If you know a single parent, do something nice for them. Let them know their presence matters when they are absence. Let them know they are loved. Imagine what you and your husband/wife do daily. Maybe even write down a “day in the life of your household”. Now imagine doing ALL that by yourself. And please spare me the high and mighty “it’s not my fault they are a single parent” because but by the Grace of God your spouse could be taken tomorrow and it could be YOU! 

And remember healthy boundaries apply to you too. When someone says, no. No means no.