I can't get over the fear. That which I desire most, I fear. Fear holds me captive. I'm a prisoner who holds her own keys. The locked door is so very near, and I hold the key. But the fear of opening the door and seeing all that might be on the other side, keeps me imprisoned. I want so badly to experience the other side. I want to breath the fresh air, see the beauty of my surroundings. Engage with the people. There is freedom that comes with reaching a desire and seeing it come into existence. But I just can't extend my reach far enough to put the key in the lock and let myself out of my own self imposed prison. The prison I don't want to be in. The prison I daily grieve and wish to be different. But it all lies in my hands.
I just can't. I want to, but I can't. My dreams, my desires. I want all those. But they stay locked in this prison with me until I find the courage to come out. I have experienced courage in so many things, and I know the journey isn't over. There is so much more to overcome, says the mighty princess warrior that lives within me. But she's missing what she needs to get to the other side. I can't loosen myself from these self imposed shackles of fear which keep me bound. But when and how did this all happen? When did fear become so great it paralyzed me. The answer is obvious. The reality is frightening.
For so long this princess warrior has fought her battles alone. She's broken free of so many things. She's reached so many heights with no one by her side. She's been strong so long. The question must be asked, is it really fear that holds her captive, or is she merely waiting to be rescued. Somewhere in the distance her knight must be awaiting her. But she'll never know because fear keeps her imprisoned. All that she wants from life is on the other side of the door. Yet between her and the door continues to stand one thing. Fear.
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