My Invisible pain

Today I'm in pain. I don't walk with a limp, or whence or grimace outwardly. I still giggle (loudly) when something is funny. I'm able to go through my day rather successfully (now). I can cook meals for my kids. I can run and walk. But I'm in pain. My pain is invisible. But it's pain nonetheless. I can't do much without crying. My emotional state is not balanced. Internally I feel out of control. I'm tired. I'm angry. Anxiety is my best friend. All of which is invisible. Some moments these emotions occur all at the same time. Sometimes without any reason known to me. There isn't a pill to make this pain go away. Although I'm medicated, the medication is just so I can live a "normal" life. There was once a time panic and anxiety attacks were a frequent occurrence. Sleep was non existent. I remember that day in the kitchen sitting on the floor crying because I had absolutely no energy to cook for my kids, all the while feeling like I was literally losing my mind. I remember sleeping days away and wanting nothing more than to get on the road and run again. I remember pain so excruciating reminisce of when I birthed my first child (no anesthesia).I learned my lesson. Child number two, I whole heartily welcomed the drugs. SN: For those who think you're less than a mom for getting anesthesia ...go ahead and enjoy that childbirth pain, AND just know the worse is yet to come. 18 years baby. You just wait. Any who, those were the bad days. Every day was a bad day then. Several years to diagnose, many doctors and more poking and blood tests than I want to remember... Now I can live. But I'm still in pain. Monthly. This is beyond the regular cramps women get. Beyond a slight mood change. This is PMS on steroids. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder. PMDD for short. (http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder)

Although the pain is one that can't be seen to others, it definitely can be felt by the one experiencing it. Take away message: not everything you see can be explained or even judged. Be kind. You just never know what someone may be dealing with. 

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